The Heart of Lily
by Rockin'ItMeStyle
Summary: If you could see her heart, you'd see who she really is. You would see the heart of Lily...
1. Introduction

"Do you think that life will ever get back to normal, Lily?"

Lily turned her head in the direction of her older sister, Petunia, who was kicking up sand with her bare feet. The sun had started to go down, and it cast a shadow over her face. She looked up when she felt her sisters' eyes on her.

"What do you mean?"

Petunia sighed and halted her kicking. "Well, ever since you've started going to that school, money has been tight. We don't have the money your kind have, so we have to exchange what we have for the equivalent of yours. Dad has to work two jobs; he's almost never home."

Lily grimaced and shook her head. "What are you trying to say?"

"It's your fault. If you weren't such a freak, then maybe Dad would be home more often, and Mom would stop worrying, and we'd have less money problems."

"I am not a freak!" Lily exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest in anger. "Everyone goes through this at some point in their lives."

Petunia sighed and stood as well, making her way towards their house. "Whatever, freak."

* * *

><p><strong>An idea for a story like this had been burning in my brain for a long time, and so I decided to write it. I hope you like it, and for all you LiB fans, don't worry, another update is coming soon. I've just had a bit of writers block is all.<strong>

**BTW, the shortness of this chapter is intended. It's not a flashback, per se, but it's not a full on chapter either. More of a prelude, but not exactly. It's just a little bit of insight of what's to come.**


	2. Alice and Mary

The train whistle rung loudly in her ears as she made her way through the crowd of students. Her mother and sister were struggling behind her, obviously not yet accustomed to the system of the wizarding world. This would be Lily's final year at Hogwarts, and though she was excited she couldn't help but feel sad as well; this would be her last time boarding the train to Hogwarts.

Lily turned to hug her mother, and hopefully talk to her sister, though Petunia was nowhere in sight. Samantha Evans embraced her daughter and then held her back at arm's length. "Now, don't worry about us. You just have a good year, alright?"

Lily nodded and gave her mother one last hug, but let her eyes scan the room. Petunia stood near the exit, waiting for Mrs. Evans, a frown on her face. When Lily and her sister's eyes met, Petunia turned her back to her, her posture rigid. Lily sighed quietly and then pulled away from her mother.

"I'll see you soon, mum," Lily said and hurried towards the train. But before she could board it, however, someone grabbed her arm. She turned to see Alice Collins, a petite girl with short brown hair and bright brown eyes. Lily emitted a girly squeal, which was very uncharacteristic of her, and pulled the girl into a tight hug.

"Why didn't you ever write me back?" Lily asked, her otherwise happy tone marred by her annoyance. "How was your summer?"

Alice's cheeks flushed a dark scarlet, and she didn't answer her friend until they were in their compartment. "Frank finally asked me out this summer! I'll save you all the gory details, but oh my goodness, he is so sweet. I really like him."

Lily grinned and relaxed back into her seat, crossing her arms lightly over her chest. "I know, but it's a wonder how you and Frank never noticed it yourselves. I would have bet that you might have said something first. You can be a little impatient."

"I agree," Lily went rigid at the sound of James Potter. He was leaning casually against the door frame, his hair in its usual dark disarray, and his glasses were sliding down the bridge of his nose. He pushed them back up with his forefinger and grinned. "Lily and I did make a bet, though. I said that Frank would ask you out first… so I guess you owe me, Evans."

"We did not make a bet, and I don't owe you a thing, Potter." Lily quipped, hiding her clenched fists.

"Go out with me," he had been saying the same four words for the past four years; and every time, Lily rejected him, and had even once said that she would rather date the Giant Squid before James became an option. She grit her teeth in annoyance and turned her bright green eyes on him.

"I will never date you, Potter," she snapped. James sat next to her, and even though she tried to slide away from him, he kept sliding closer to her.

"Please? Why won't you go out with me just once?"

"I don't like beggars, Potter, that's why. Now leave before I hex you into oblivion!"

James stood, looking awfully deflated, and left the small compartment, leaving behind a flustered Lily and an amused Alice.

"You like him..."

Lily gasped. "No I don't! Alice, you've seen and experienced firsthand everything he's done to us. How could you even think that?"

Alice snickered and shook her head. "Oh, wait till I tell Mary!"

"Tell Mary what?" Asked a tall, thin, and light-haired girl. Her cheeks were flushed a bright red, and she had a stupid grin on her face. Her blue eyes had an uncharacteristic sparkle.

"Another run-in with Sirius Black, I assume?" Lily said knowingly.

"You assume correctly," Mary sat down beside Alice and crossed her legs. "Now what were you going to tell me?"

"Lily likes James!" Alice blurted.

"What? You like Potter? Well, it's about time you realized it, because we all did-" Mary flung her hands up towards the sky. "PRAISE MERLIN! You've seen the light my friend."

"No I don't! Jeez, how many times do I have to say I. Don't. Like. James. Potter!"

"How cute," Alice and Mary shared a smirk. "Why do you deny it, Lily?"

"What is there to deny?" Lily clenched and unclenched her fists in anger. Alice and Mary knew quite well to stop messing with their friend- they knew her temper- but they couldn't help themselves. For the first year James had been asking Lily out, they had known she didn't think much of him, but when their fifth year came about, they knew something was up. No one would just automatically hate someone so much, for just a few little things that they did. It wasn't plausible, at least not to them.

Lily sighed suddenly and stood. "I have a meeting to get to," she said brusquely. "I'll see you two at dinner."

When Lily disappeared out of the compartment, Mary turned to look at Alice. "So, what's the plan?"

"I don't know, but we have to come up with something."

"Should I talk to Sirius?"

"He might tell James..." Alice mused.

"I'll give him a reason not to," Mary winked. "Promise."

"Gross," Alice shuddered. "But fine. We'll meet after dinner, on the seventh floor corrdior. Bring only him, okay? I'll bring Frank, because he's smart, and is good with keeping things secret. That, and he'll help keep Sirius quiet."

Mary nodded, but then a frown replaced her devious smile. "What if Lily finds out? She'd kill us."

Alice shook her head. "She won't find out, because we're keeping this a secret. And besides, it's not like we're trying to hook them up. James knows that he likes her, but Lily doesn't want to admit that she likes him. We're just going to... help her figure it out, I guess you could say."

"If she finds out, I had nothing to do with this."


	3. Amor Es Ut

Lily hadn't talked to her friends all throughout dinner. She ate quietly, ignoring their attempts to apologize. She knew they didn't really mean what they were saying, and she had a fleeting suspicion that they were planning something, but she couldn't make herself care. When dinner was over, and Dumbledore had finished up what he had been trying to say prior to the feast, the Prefects were sent to lead the first years to the common room, and the Head Boy and Girl were to make sure the Houses knew their passwords.

As Lily made a beeline for the exit, hoping James would take it upon himself to give everyone their passwords, someone grabbed her arm. She turned abruptly on her heel, and glared down at the hand that restrained her. "What are you doing?"

"Stopping you from leaving," James Potter replied. "We, meaning both of us, are in charge of making sure everyone knows the passwords."

"I'm well aware," Lily snapped, though she didn't bother to take her arm back from him. He stared at her, examining her expression for what seemed like the longest time before he finally released her. Lily felt her heart contract painfully, but she ignored it.

"Good," James smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "You get Slytherin and Ravenclaw; I'll get Gryffindor and Hufflepuff."

Lily rolled her eyes and headed towards the slowly rising students at the Slytherin table. All of the first years had been instructed to follow the Prefects, but the rest of the students were able to stay behind for a while. When a few seventh year Slytherins spotted Lily walking towards them, they curled their lips into an expression of disgust and resentment.

Severus Snape, one of the sneering seventh years, stood to greet her. "Evans," he said snidely.

"Snape, I'm here to inform you and your cohorts that your new password is _purus sanguinem_. I expect you, being a seventh year, to make sure that the rest of your House mates know it. Have a pleasant evening."

As she turned towards the Ravenclaws, it took her much effort not to turn around and hex the boy she had talked to. Severus Snape had been a former friend of hers. He had been the one to tell her she was a witch; he had been the one to show her the magic, and convince her that she was special, and not just some freakish girl. But then things had changed when he was sorted into Slytherin House. He met a few upper classmen and they told him things, and he believed them. And what really made Lily despise him now was the fact that he had called her the name he had sworn he would never call her; _mudblood_.

Mudbloods were the scum of the wizarding world, and the term mudblood was intended to be derogatory. What the actual name was for someone like Lily was Muggleborn. It meant that even though both of your parents were muggles (non-magical folk), you were still of magical descent. Lily wished that Snape had never changed, because she had believed that he was different, that maybe he wouldn't end up like all of the other students that were sorted into Slytherin. She had hoped, but she had been wrong. And Lily Evans hated being wrong.

"You alright, Evans?"

Lily looked up, startled to realize that she had been standing in front of the Ravenclaw table for the past five minutes. "Oh, yes, perfectly alright. I'm just here to tell you that your new password is _ingenium_. I thought it was clever, and Dumbledore agreed, and it's easy to remember, for the first year's sake."

Jennifer Fredericks smiled kindly. "That's true. I like it. Well, I'll go tell the others. Have a good night, Lily."

"You, too," Lily turned and ran a hand through her hair in relief. "Thank Merlin I'm done with that…"

She made her way through the sea of students, heading for the place where she would be patrolling for the next few hours. James was supposed to be there with her, but she couldn't help but hope that he would forget that he had duties now. She didn't want anything to do with James, and patrolling alone with him for the next few hours would only mean trouble.

Once she reached her post, she slowly began walking down the halls. Students passed by her every few minutes, and when they acknowledged her, she smiled and waved them on. Curfew was coming up, and she knew not to hold anyone in a conversation. Lily sighed quietly and crossed her arms over her chest, her thoughts wandering back to Alice's and Mary's strange attitudes during dinner. They had been trying to apologize to her for being so brash on the train, and though she was beginning to accept it, she kept thinking about Mary's shifty glances around the table. She hadn't looked to see where she was glancing at, but the looks she was giving, and probably hoping no one would see, made it obvious that something was going on. Something that Lily was not meant to be a part of.

With that, her thoughts drifted into a very unwelcome direction. Why were her friends so adamant about she liking James? She knew she didn't, because he was rude, arrogant, and... her thoughts paused. What else was he? She couldn't exactly label him as rude anymore, because it had been a little over a year since the last time she had seen him get into trouble. Lily frowned and turned to walk down the stairs. How was this even possible? She couldn't believe that she couldn't come up with anymore negative things about James. He was still arrogant of course, but that was because he's confident in himself. Lily unwillingly let herself smile; she had to admit she liked his confidence. But she didn't like him, no, that would be crazy. Wouldn't it?

Lily sighed heavily and glanced around the hall she was walking down. She had already reached the second floor. No students were wandering the hall as far as she could see. "I'll make one more round before I head off to my dorm..."

But when she turned around to go back up the stairs, James was standing behind her. She let out a very girl squeak and clutched at her shirt. James stared at her with one of his eyebrows raised, an amused smirk on his face. All admiration for him left her as she studied his face. "So now you decide to help me? I'm almost done."

He shrugged. "A couple of first years got cocky. I put them in their place with a strict warning."

"You didn't jinx them?"

"Nope."

"Hex?"

"No."

"Yell?"

"Why would I?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. In my opinion, Dumbledore made a bad choice in using you as Head Boy."

James looked genuinely insulted. "I've changed a lot since my fifth year. I don't know if you've noticed, but Dumbledore seems to have, and he's rewarded me with this. And you know what, I'm glad he did. I did do my job, because I was patrolling the west wing. I didn't just get here."

Lily's eyes were wide by the time he had finished speaking. He had never talked to her like that. It had always been fancy words, lots of promises, and many insults whenever she would turn him down. She knew he had a temper, but he had almost been rude as he said that to her. He was defending himself. And, in all honesty, she had noticed a change in him, she had just tried to ignore as best she could. She didn't want to give herself a reason to give him a chance. She felt that she was destined to hate James Potter.

"Whatever you say, Potter. So are you going to finish patrolling with me? I was planning to patrol all the way back to the Head Dormitories."

James shrugged, though he still appeared miffed by Lily's accusation. "I guess."

They walked in silence, which Lily thought was uncharacteristic for James. She wanted to say something, but she didn't know what exactly. "So..." she pursed her lips. "I'm sorry for accusing you."

James glanced at her. "It's okay. I kind of deserved it."

"But if you were really doing your job, then no, you didn't. I was just being supercilious."

James snorted. "Yeah, no kidding."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Potter. Don't get smart, or I'll take it all back."

He smiled, a genuine smile that Lily couldn't help but like. She thought it made him look gentler, like the kind of guy she might actually like. She watched him push his glasses up the bridge of his nose in that annoying, unconcious habit of his, and ruffle his hair.

"Why do you do that?"

He frowned. "Do what?"

"Ruffle your hair like that. I insulted you about it in fifth year, but I don't actually know why you do it."

He laughed. She found that she quite liked his laugh too. She had never heard it before. "You were right back then. I only did it to make it look as though I just got done playing Quidditch. But now it's just an empty habit. I don't even think about it anymore. Why did you ask anyway? Does it still bother you?"

"No," she scoffed. "I was just curious, that's all."

James smirked and then turned to face a portrait. _"Amor es ut_,_" _the portrait swung aside and James opened the door to let Lily walk through. She turned to face him when he closed the door.

"_'Amor es ut'_?"

He grinned. "Love is might. I chose it, believe it or not. Well, goodnight Evans. Have to get the beauty sleep."

"Yeah..." she muttered. "Goodnight, Potter."


End file.
